That Barney Rubble … We Could Use Him Now

Let ye who is without sin cast the first stone. They're kind of heavy, though.

Let ye who is without sin cast the first stone. They’re kind of heavy, though.

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Clinton, S.C., Thursday, August 8, 2013, 9:25 a.m.

Last night I saw a note alleging that Paula Deen is more popular than Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. among Georgia Republicans.

I wonder if the poll factored in how long it had been since each respondent ate fried chicken, or how hungry they were, or whether they preferred Fox News to the Cartoon Network.

Just how inane can it get? How totally irrelevant can producing something that will draw web hits be? How does Dr. King stack up against Wild Bill Cody? Who’s the choice between Deen and Ted Nugent? How do Latinos feel?

Let me come up with some equivalent personal opinions.

I like Ted Williams better than George Washington, but only during baseball season. I like Washington better than Spencer Tracy, but I like Katharine Hepburn better than Martha Washington. I like Martha Washington better than Marie Curie, but Madame Curie better than Horace Greeley, whom I like better than Aaron Burr, whom I like better than Brian Cashman, the general manager of the Yankees.

I like the Yankees better than almost nothing. I’d pull for them over North Korea, though. Or Iran if there was a seventh game.

Hillary Clinton is likely to run for president in 2016. She probably has her own pollster. He probably keeps tabs on how the former Secretary of State and First Lady stacks up against Rand Paul, Chris Christie, Jeb Bush and gosh knows who else.


Who did Hillary think should have won “Dancing with the Stars”? Did she like the trade that sent Jose Iglesias to the White Sox for Jake Peavy? Justin Bieber? Has the kid lost his freakin’ mind? Is the election going to turn on the economy, or how well Christie handles the fat jokes?

And, Hillary, just when is Dale Earnhardt Jr. finally going to win the Chase? No pressure, but the election is riding on this.

Ooh, let me dial up social media on the iPhone. I’ll theoretically be able to read the great newspapers of the land. I’ll digest gobs of information, balancing the arguments of all sides. Let’s see what I can find.

Newark, N.J., has been rated the world’s most unfriendly city. Islamabad, Pakistan is second. A dead shark was found on a New York City subway. Shark meat is used in the seafood salad at Subway. Coincidence?

Former Sonic Youth guitarist Lee Ranaldo’s new track is the Moroccan-inspired “Boujeloudia Magick.” I’d have never guessed that was Moroccan.

Nixon resigned 39 years ago today, but Mariano Rivera blew a save last night. I’m not sure which was more historic.

Twenty years ago the Boston Globe was purchased for $1.1 billion. Last week John Henry bought it for $70 million. Whoa. Maybe I can get another job in that industry.

Do you look forward to SI’s Sportsman of the Year? How about Time’s Man of the Year? In five years the Sportsman of the Year will be sponsored by Bass Pro Shops and it’ll be the world’s most fascinating angler. The Time honoree will be Benedict Cumberbatch, whom I’m vaguely aware is an actor.

As Bobby DiCicco (Leonard) said in “Night Shift”: “Boy, that Barney Rubble … what an actor!”

About Monte

For 20 seasons, I mostly wrote about NASCAR. I'm still paying attention, but I'm spending more of my time these days writing novels and songs. I try to blog regularly on whatever happens to strike my fancy.
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4 Responses to That Barney Rubble … We Could Use Him Now

  1. Al Torney says:

    Is it really true that Subway uses shark meat in their seafood sub?

  2. Fidel Prique says:

    Betty was hot for a cartoon chick.

  3. Monte says:

    I don’t know. Shark meat is often used in seafood salad. It’s often used instead of scallops.
    The reference in the blog was mainly meant as a joke.

  4. Tony Geinzer says:

    Monte, I feel that as a man, I like seeing Good Role Models, and I feel the fact that I like to see a Big XII where Iowa State played Colorado,Missouri and Nebraska, and A and M was a tough win no matter what the year, and it feels a little too alien, even for our homes. I feel that Fox is “100% Uncommittal” to my Simpsons Final Season or its scrubbed Episode Count.

Comments are closed.