The Moon Is the Limit

You’re looking at Williams-Brice Stadium from the would-be moon. (Monte Dutton photos)

Complete Supply of Ink and Toner Cartridges

Columbia, South Carolina, Saturday, December 17, 2016, 3:52 p.m.

At the moment, Chapman is playing Dillon in football down on earth. I am watching from the moon, which is hyperbolically the press box at Williams-Brice Stadium.

By Monte Dutton

The game is less than two minutes old, and already it looks bad for the Panthers, whom I have watched win two football games this year. This one is for the state Class 3A championship.

Not only have I little rooting interest. I have no professional interest. My job is to write about the next game, the one that matches Boiling Springs against Dutch Fork.

The day’s first problem: no one I can find from Boiling Springs knows if there is or has ever been an actual boiling springs in Boiling Springs. No one seems to know what a Dutch fork is, either. I bet they’d know in Abbeville. Yoder’s Dutch Kitchen is there, or was the last time I drove by, and I bet they’d know. I could find a Dutch fork there if there’s such a utensil.

By the way, while I pondered important matters like springs and forks, Chapman stormed back to take a 14-7 lead. It’s the second quarter, and I’m still trying to get the wi-fi working here on the Williams-Brice moon.

A really nice representative of the University of South Carolina just remedied my wi-fi problems – yes, there is wi-fi on the moon – and now I can write in Technicolor. Actually, it’s just the same old black and white, but I’ll be able to circulate this triumph of literature to a world that otherwise would have no clue of its cosmic significance.

(Monte Dutton photos)

The moon is remote. The windows are close to soundproof. Before the game, I stood reluctantly for a national anthem I could not hear. A mute national anthem is similar to a tree that falls in the woods. I think it makes a sound, but I can’t prove it.

The Panthers and Wildcats are knotted – that’s right, all the players are involved in a huge scrum that is similar to the biggest game of Twister ever – at 21.

In today’s gala opener, South Pointe defeated Hartsville, 51-28, for the Class 4A title. At some point soon, I plan to write for money.

After I wrote this, I had to go to work. Here’s what I wrote in the Spartanburg Herld-Journal. By the way, Chapman won Class 3A, edging Dillon, 29-27. Dutch Fork defeated Boiling Springs in 5A, 28-21.

Stop by L&L Office Supply, 114 North Broad Street, Clinton and buy one of my novels. Buy Cowboys Come Home, Forgive Us Our Trespasses, Crazy of Natural Causes, The Intangibles, and/or a volume of my short stories, Longer Songs. They’re all signed and reasonably priced.

(Jennifer Skutelsky cover design)

If you’d like me to ship you a signed copy, you can find my address and instructions here. If you want to speed the process up, send me a note and I’ll hook you up with my PayPal account.

(Cover design by Jennifer Skutelsky)

(Cover design by Jennifer Skutelsky)

Kindle versions – you don’t have to have a Kindle, just a free app for your electronic devices – of most of my books are available here. Note that my third novel, Crazy of Natural Causes, is on Kindle sale at $.99 for the entire month. Links to print copies are below.

Cowboys Come Home is my brand-new, fresh-off-the-press western, a tale of two World War II veterans of the Pacific who come back home to Texas, intent on resuming their cowboy ways.

Forgive Us Our Trespasses is the latest. It’s a tale about a crooked politician who wants to be governor, whatever it takes, and another man trying to stop him. It’s outrageous.(Melanie Ryon cover design)

Crazy of Natural Causes is about the fall and rise of Chance Benford, a Kentucky football coach who reinvents himself. It’s original.

The Intangibles is about the South in the 1960s, complete with racial strife, bigotry, resentment, cultural exchange and, of course, high school football.

(Crystal Lynn cover photo)

(Crystal Lynn cover photo)

The Audacity of Dope is the tale of Riley Mansfield, a pot-smoking songwriter turned national hero with a taste for the former and a distaste for the latter.

Longer Songs is a collection of 11 short stories that all began in songs I wrote.

Follow me at Facebook (Monte.Dutton), Twitter (@montedutton), Google+ (MonteDuttonWriter) and/or Instagram (Tug50).

(Design by Steven Novak)

(Design by Steven Novak)


About Monte

For 20 seasons, I mostly wrote about NASCAR. I'm still paying attention, but I'm spending more of my time these days writing novels and songs. I try to blog regularly on whatever happens to strike my fancy.
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