Clinton, South Carolina, Friday, November 13, 2015, 12:58 p.m.
Among the things that I love more than Sunday School and church / Is drinking cold beer with my buddies at the pool hall after work.
It’s from one of the first songs I wrote, “A Wild Side of Me.” I had just about forgotten about it until it occurred to me to write this blog beginning with, “Among the things …”
Instead of beginning this blog that way — well, exactly that way — instead I grabbed my trusty Pawless and tried to play that song. I got through two of the three verses without a hitch.
Now I’m back to the blog.
When a blog begins “among the things” — and, yes, this one still does — it sometimes means that the author doesn’t have anything cohesive to write. He still aspires for coherence.
This morning I’ve been catching up on business — oh, yes, even though I’m a writer, I’m still in business — and few great works of literature, or even blogosphere, have occurred in the time immediately after basic works of mathematics.
Fortunately, I do lots of thinking in my spare time. The trick is remembering the individual nuggets. I’m getting better since I have one of those cell phones whose tech is still high even though it’s not the latest model. For items like simple lyrics, pungent observations, and grocery lists, “phones with mobility” are great.
Imagine a durable cocktail napkin.
I can never figure while polo never made it big.
In my lifetime, football tackling has gotten worse, but causing fumbles has gotten better. On most pass plays, everyone interferes. Deep down, no one really knows what a catch is in the end zone. Replays are already too screwed up. The least they can do is get them right.
The city is conducting a $60,000 study on how it can reduce our electricity rates. It stems from that pleasant sunny day when we all walked out to our mailboxes and discovered our bills had doubled. Study? Little late, ain’t it? It reminds me of the late Tim Wilson’s comedy routine about going to the bank and discovering there was a $3 service charge for a balance inquiry.
How much money I got in the bank?
Twenty-seven dollars. No, wait. Twenty-four.
In other words, ma’am, presumably, if I ask you seven more times how much money I got in the bank, I ain’t got no money!
Someone told me — he was a Geezinslaw, as I recall — that Austin, Texas, once conducted a $250,000 study on whether or not it was possible to turn an air base into an airport.
Here in town, I reckon we didn’t do so badly. Our city fathers and mothers are just spending enough money to eat up whatever can be saved by the study they’re conducting.
It’s enough to make me sound like I’m conservative. Aaaaiiiiieeee! No! No! Anything but that!
If Ben Carson becomes president, I hope that doesn’t mean John Kasich gets to operate on my brain.
Okay, now it’s time to get blatantly commercial. I don’t have a Super PAC. I run a Mini PAC through Amazon that just tries to sell my books, not make me president. Here’s a heap of them. http://www.amazon.com/Monte-Dutton/e/B005H3B144/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1416767492&sr=8-1
Another one, Forgive Us Our Trespasses, is now in its own campaign. Reader nominations comprise the first stage of the process. I’m of the belief that the quality of the manuscript is a bigger stage, but when Crazy of Natural Causes was chosen for publication through KindleScout, it had about three times as many nominations as this one does now. In other words, I could use your help. https://kindlescout.amazon.com/p/A20FEF33PZP1
Finally, Crazy of Natural Causes had a fine sales month in October because it was on sale. Now it takes a whole $3.49 to download it again, but just think about it. If you buy it now, at $3.49, I will make slightly more money. http://www.amazon.com/Crazy-Natural-Causes-Monte-Dutton-ebook/dp/B00YI8SWUU/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1436215069&sr=1-1&keywords=Crazy+of+Natural+Causes