Hey, Let’s Get Stoopid

Look at all the technology!  (Monte Dutton photo)

Look at all the technology! (Monte Dutton photo)

Clinton, South Carolina, Wednesday, August 5, 2015, 8:01 p.m.

One of the reasons the world is growing more stupid is that stupid has become fashionable and smart has gone out of style.

For instance, it’s really been hot lately. Some stupid people will say, “See? It’s climate change.” Others, on the opposite end of the political spectrum, will wait until winter, and the first time it snows, they will say, “See? Climate change is a hoax.”

Really?  (Alex Howard photo)

Really? (Alex Howard photo)

Climate change is not measured by one’s back yard. I’m positive of this. It might be in the Bible.

Some will say scientists disagree. They don’t. Somewhere in the range of 97 percent agree. The three percent are roughly the same number who once claimed smoking didn’t cause cancer, or that astronauts didn’t really land on the moon, or that the Civil War had nothing to do with slavery, or that the Holocaust was a hoax, or that Obama was responsible for 9/11, even though he wasn’t president at the time.

I could go on.

One would think that, if there were an issue, people would rely on the expertise of scientists, or historians, or economists, or other people who had devoted their entire to studying the issue in question. One would be wrong.

Business is booming at the Slander Resort. (Monte Dutton photo)

Business is booming at the Slander Resort. (Monte Dutton photo)

Instead people say, in essence, I don’t care what the experts say. I just don’t believe it.

They rely on, oh, their barber. Or their sister-in-law. Or this guy they bumped into at Walmart.

I heard tell …

You know what they say …

I saw it on the Internet …

The Internet? Well, it must be true. It was a meme. It had emoticons. LOL. Nowumsayin?

Okay. Enough of that.

If I were in charge — and, by and large, it’s fortunate that I am not — I would not allow pharmaceutical companies to run commercials on TV. I would allow them to advertise to doctors. The commercials want us all to go to our doctors and demand they prescribe for us the latest glibly-named medication like Emoticon. Wait. That’s not right. An emoticon is something else. The medication is Stiffanol. Or Happinexium. Or Hitrippinex. Or Wowimauium. Kleenex. Labrador. Indonesia. Silverado.

Global warming indeed. (Monte Dutton photo)

Global warming indeed. (Monte Dutton photo)

It’s good for you unless, of course, it causes unusual swelling and a sudden growth of new belly buttons, or other side effects such as death.

Doctors should decide, or else people shouldn’t go to them. The ads are basically suggesting that we treat doctors as pushers. Hook me up, Doctor Feelgood. Gimme the good shit.

Now people have a right to be stupid. I’ve been stupid in many ways over the years. I defend the right to stupidity, just not the wisdom of it. Stupidis is a gateway drug. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

For instance, I’m uncomfortable buying my insurance from a little cartoon character wearing a combat helmet and driving a convertible, or a man wearing a racer’s firesuit.

I might've dated this ol' gal in college.  (Monte Dutton)

I might’ve dated this ol’ gal in college. (Monte Dutton)

I’d rather hire a lawyer because of his resume, or his list of academic achievements, or his record in court, not the fact that he repeats his name fourteen times in thirty seconds. I like Justin Bieber more than Joel Bieber, and that’s saying a lot.

The last thing one will ever see on a reality show is reality.

If I ever get into a dispute, I am not, repeat, not, going to let Judge Judy decide.

That’s just me. Or, grammatically, it’s just I.

My new novel is about a man’s redemption amid the absurdity of life. If you hate this blog, you’ll probably hate Crazy of Natural Causes, too, but I wish you’d read it just in case: http://www.amazon.com/Crazy-Natural-Causes-Monte-Dutton-ebook/dp/B00YI8SWUU/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1436215069&sr=1-1&keywords=Crazy+of+Natural+Causes


About Monte

For 20 seasons, I mostly wrote about NASCAR. I'm still paying attention, but I'm spending more of my time these days writing novels and songs. I try to blog regularly on whatever happens to strike my fancy.
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One Response to Hey, Let’s Get Stoopid

  1. Owen Kearns says:

    Pretty much says it.

Comments are closed.