The Sargasso Sea of Football

Imagine. All those football games began on fields like this one. (Monte Dutton sketch)

Imagine. All those football games began on fields like this one. (Monte Dutton sketch)

Gotta an indie bookstore!

Clinton, South Carolina, Sunday, December 28, 2014, 9:25 a.m.

Christmas has settled. Not only are the gifts open. The wrapping paper has been swept away. Even the fireworks have subsided as celebrants reload for New Year’s and consider whether or not they can put off disposing of the tree for a few more days. The lines on Monday at the county dump will be akin to Walmart and at least as friendly.

Only three hundred sixty-two more shopping days till Christmas! In the meantime, for all you folks looking for deals on Black Friday, and then even more on the day after Christmas, Relatively Dark Gray Friday, well, you’re in luck. The real deals are now, you sentimental gift givers, you.

Don’t you wish you still had some money?

What we now have, in the waning holidaze, is a Sargasso Sea of flawed bowl games, live and in high-def from the Island of Misfit Toys. A lot’s still on the line. Hell, South Carolina needed that victory over Miami to get a winning record, but, by and large, pride has fallen by the wayside, and, as Kenny Rogers sang, the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep.

No, it was not I. I've never even driven a Lexus.

May your songs be on key. (John Clark photo)

It’s not worth it. Life is better. The Panthers and Falcons are meeting with a playoff spot on the line. If Carolina wins, it will be seven, eight, and one. Atlanta can enter the ranks of premier American football organizations by rising to seven and nine.

The National, BUH-buh-buh-BUH, Football League. I tried to hum one of the network theme songs but realized it was actually the opening of Boston Red Sox Baseball on NESN. A Freudian slip, no doubt.

Saturday was the Day of Big-Money Football Programs Who Have Fallen on Hard Times. Virginia Tech. Both USCs. Arizona State. Nebraska. Miami. Even in these games, someone has to lose. It’s suddenly become a habit. Then there was resurgent Duke, which, for the third year in a row, managed by the narrowest margins to keep a half-century-plus streak of bowl futility alive. No one can lose a bowl game like Duke. Its losses are more exciting than most teams’ wins. Imagine what it would be like if the Washington Generals took the Harlem Globetrotters into overtime every night. What a show for the folks in Sheboygan.

These are cheap days for the recovering merrymaker. While he awaits in futility for an invitation to a New Year’s Eve soiree, he can subsist on raisin bran, milk, sliced chicken, bread, mayonnaise, and strategically placed tomato sliced coated with pepper. And coffee. Lots of coffee.

Pretty soon it will be time for NASCAR, baseball and taxes.

I hope your Christmas was merry, your Hanukkah happy, your Kwanzaa qualitative and your Festivus festive. I hope they lead inexorably into a happier New Year. I can think of no better way for you to meditate on superior means to prosperity than reading my books, but then again, this notion is neither unprejudiced nor based on sound science. It will, however, make me ever so slightly more prosperous, so good will come of it. Miraculously, most of my books remain available here:


About Monte

For 20 seasons, I mostly wrote about NASCAR. I'm still paying attention, but I'm spending more of my time these days writing novels and songs. I try to blog regularly on whatever happens to strike my fancy.
This entry was posted in Sports and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.